Shattered
by Kessie-Ciel
Summary: One CSI witnesses a tragedy that affects everyone


Shattered  
By Broadway, somewherethatsgreen@yahoo.com  
Rating: PG  
Summary: A sad "what if" sort of fic.  
Spoilers: none  
Disclaimer: CSI is the property of CBS, and I am receiving no payment for this story.  
  
The church was empty except for one person.  
  
A lone mourner in a black dress.  
  
Everyone was devastated by his death, but she had taken it harder than anyone at work. She had seen how they reacted in the aftermath; some broke down crying, others stood in shocked silence.  
  
But it was different for Sara.  
  
She watched him die.  
  
He shielded her, when the murderer pulled a gun. Told her to run. Fearing for her own life, she bolted from the house, but turned back when the first shot rang out, just in time to see him fall. The murderer didn't see her as he raised the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.  
  
She ran to her partner's side. The floor around him was soaked with his blood. He pulled out her radio and called for an ambulance, hoping it wasn't too late. She spoke to him, begging him to hang on, praying the ambulance would arrive in time.  
  
But already, it was too late.  
  
"Oh god," she whispered, as she realized it. She searched for a pulse, but found none.  
  
"No…"  
  
She rose to her feet, backing away from his body, trying to hold back the torrent of tears, but she couldn't. Overcome, she fell back into a dark corner, and that was where they found here, huddled, shaking with sobs.  
  
It took a while for everyone to come to terms with what happened. Nobody could believe it; Grissom was dead. Gil Grissom, who never even drew his gun except to protect himself or someone else. The killer hadn't even given him a chance.  
  
And then the coward shot himself.  
  
There was no justice.  
  
The impact was more than emotional. There was crisis at CSI headquarters. Brass had taken over Grissom's position, but he knew as well as everyone else did that there was a void he just couldn't fill. Without Grissom's leadership, the team suddenly felt… lost.  
  
But everyone saw that Sara was the most affected. She didn't even leave her house until the funeral. By then, she had missed a week of work.  
  
Catherine and the others were seated together when Sara entered the church. She had been unable to eat or sleep for most of the past week, and it showed; she was pale, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Catherine immediately stood up and moved forward to embrace her, and guided her to a seat next to her.  
  
Sara didn't hear the minister speaking. She couldn't hear the prayers or the people crying around her. Nor could she cry; her tears were all spent. After the service, people slowly trickled out of the room until only Catherine and Sara were left. Catherine wrapped her arms around Sara and drew her closer.  
  
"I know this is hard."  
  
Catherine's sympathy brought on a new surge of tears, and for a while she just held Sara while she cried. At last, Sara was able to speak.  
  
"I was there."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I saw him die, Catherine. And I couldn't help him. Right in front of me, and I couldn't save him."  
  
"It isn't your fault."  
  
"Then why do I feel so guilty?"  
  
"We've all felt that way. We've all felt like, we could have done something. We've all wondered, 'Why wasn't it me?' But the truth is, there was nothing we could have done."  
  
Sara took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "He died protecting me," she said. "If I could have, I would have died in his place."  
  
"I know you would. Any of us would put our lives on the line for one of our own. Just remember that he didn't die in vain."  
  
"It still hurts."  
  
"I know it does," said Catherine, "but you're not alone. We're all going through this together. I wish I could tell you that everything's okay, that everything will just go back to the way it was before, but I can't. Your life will return to normal, you'll fall back into your regular routine, but you'll never be the same. This will change you. And as much as I'd love to tell you otherwise, the pain never really goes away. But it'll get better. Some days will be harder than others, but it will get better."  
  
"I just can't accept that… he's gone."  
  
"It's hard to adjust," said Catherine, wiping away her own tears. "Yesterday, I found a lead on a case that had frustrated both of us, and the first thing that came to my mind was, 'I have to tell Grissom.' And then, it dawned on me that he wasn't there. The hurt… never goes away. But you can't stop living. That's not what he'd want."  
  
There was a long silence as Sara let Catherine's words sink in. The two weren't close, and there had been times when they didn't get along. But at that moment, in Catherine's arms, knowing that someone cared for her and shared her pain, she felt a sense of comfort.  
  
She never wanted to let go, but finally, she did. Catherine stood up.  
  
"Can you get home alright?"  
  
"I don't have my car." Too tired to drive, Sara had taken a cab.  
  
"I'll give you a ride when you're ready. Would you like to be alone for a minute?" Sara thanked her, and Catherine walked out of the church.  
  
Alone in the silence, Sara made a promise. A promise to herself, and to Grissom, that she would never stop living. That she would make her life worth saving.  
  
With that done, she stood up, and with a final goodbye, she left. 


End file.
